Jeff Foxworthy (and me) on St. Louis

This morning, a long-time friend of my family (gosh, 40+ years) sent out a wonderful email containing Jeff Foxworthy-like observations about St. Louis.. It was too good to not share with you all, so here it is, with a few items that I have added from my own experience. I grew up in St. Louis, and can testify that every one of these observations is absolutely true! Thanks, Jeanne!

  • If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you’ve seen a tornado touchdown and ONLY thought “Darn it, I just waxed the car”, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you measure distance in hours instead of miles, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day and back again, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you drive 75 miles through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard for some White Castles, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you take I-Farty-Far to Six Flags, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If someone says concrete and you think of Ted Drewes instead of pavement, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph — you’re going 80 and everybody is passing you, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you’ve ever skipped school, work, or even a court-date because you had tickets to an afternoon Cards game, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you can say the words “Cahokia Mounds” and not think of a candy bar or b–bs, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in St. Louis.

Here are a few more that I have added:

  • If someone mentions the Hill, and your first thought is Italian food, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If while giving directions anywhere, they use landmarks instead of street names, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you move out of town and call home in exasperation because the local diner does not serve gravy & biscuits, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If someone mentions the Blues and you do NOT think of music, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you see a shiny clean pickup truck drive by the house and remark “They shore ain’t from around here, are they?”, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If you have an out-of-town visitor and they are shocked to find all the stores and restaurants closed by 10:00 pm, you might live in St. Louis.
  • If someone mentions “Our Lady of the Snows” and you immediately think of Christmas light displays, you might live in St. Louis;.
  • If someone mentions the Arizona Cardinals and your first instinct is to pull out the shotgun, you might live in St. Louis.

Yes, the one about Whites Castles is true! Several times during college, my friends and I would take a break from our studies and make a “midnight White Castle run”, which was 85 miles away.

Share Your Own Funny Observations
Do you have anything to add to this list? Please do, using the comments box below.

3 Comments

  1. When being introduced to someone, their first question is “Where did you go to High School?”, you might live in St. Louis.

  2. Wonderful Michael! I do remember the guys making White Castle runs from Cape. I think the only one that doesn’t apply to me is the shorts and parka — otherwise, have done most and seen the rest! Great job.

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